Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
you never un-have a 4some
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
