A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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