o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
So apparently I’m into choking now
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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