brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
