Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I faked an abortion last night.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
