States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I want a musical about memes.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
