There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
she peed on how many people?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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