why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
zippers are such a cool invention
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
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