I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
