Whod you bang
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
He felt like a one man threesome
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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