Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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