I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
