I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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