Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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