If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
