And the cops told us we were all naked.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
