I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
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