PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
