Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
