You're so nebulous sometimes
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
