Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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