take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
