Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
