He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
