HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
