how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
