His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
