You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
She announced her abortion via fbk
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
