I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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