he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
