you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
