he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
