so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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