Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
