All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
