For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
