I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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