I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
