do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
