How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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