Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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