Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
