I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
