New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
