I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
