i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
