My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
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