WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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