so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
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