remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
