you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
